So exactly one week after we said goodbye to our sweet girl, it was Mother's Day. This past weekend, we had to 'celebrate' Father's Day. Deep breathe... That's a lot. Avery made us mommy and daddy. For Mother's Day, I felt many things.. Shock- did my baby REALLY just die a week ago?? Is this really my life?? I never could've imagined Brad and I losing our baby... Sadness- This was going to be the first year that I'd get a little card signed 'Avery' (I'd thank Brad). My sweet girl was just robbed of so much. I'm sad at Mother's Day but she won't ever get a 1st birthday...Numbness- I was truly just going through the motions because I don't think I could recall what we even did that day. So when I say shock, sadness, and numbness, amplify it to a level unimaginable. And through that, we smile, we have breakdowns, we laugh, we remember... This past weekend we suffered through Father's Day. As Brads wife, I hurt so bad for him. There's something about a hurting father than nothing can make better. His little girl should've been there, sitting with him at church, being bounced up and down. But instead, we visited Avery at her resting place. And here comes the shock again... What?! Are we really parents yet our baby isn't with us?! Is this real life?!
I don't look forward to more 'first holidays without Avery' because it simply shouldn't be this way. I am so so thankful for all of the amazing people that acknowledged both Brad and I on those two recent holidays because there truly is no greater compliment than hearing someone say 'You are such a good mom.'
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