"Tune my heart to sing thy Grace..."

Our counselor told us that this first year would be hard...all of the 'firsts' that we will have to encounter... First birthday, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first Easter....without you. But who are we kidding, no holiday is ever going to be easy.  Ever.  From here on out.  I'm sorry, family and friends.  I know you may also have a moment of sadness yourselves (and/or for us) but please don't ever underestimate the feeling of loneliness we will feel, even surrounded by so many that we love.  We are getting closer and closer to your first birthday.  I struggle every single month on the 2nd and the 3rd.  On the 2nds, you would be another month older.  In a few weeks, you would be 1 year old.  I still sit hear in disbelief that I would have a 1 year old.  On the 3rds, it is another month that you've been gone.  Sundays are hard too.  That's the day you took your last breath and went home.  It's bittersweet having all of these daily reminders and dates that mark another 'should've been' or 'would've been'.  I never want you far from my mind but I also hate the reminders that you aren't here, where you should be.  Avery lived to be 8 months and 1 day old.  She fought until the end.  She went until her little body knew it couldn't be healed on this side of Heaven. I rejoice every single day that she has won and she is whole and well and PERFECT but oh how I hurt.  I don't tell you all of this for pity or sadness, I tell you to 1) keep Avery as alive as I possibly can, 2) try to cope with an unfathomable loss, 3) help others understand, we all have a story to tell, and 4) continue rejoicing in the love that can only come from a Father who is holding my precious baby.  As Avery's mom, I prayed for her before she was born, I prayed for her every day she was with us, and I pray for her now.  As a mom, you are given this amazing strength to do things you never thought you could do and an even more amazing power to love so deeply that you know it comes straight from above.  We hurt so bad because we love so good.  We miss you, our Avery girl.