I want to remember. I need to remember...

Your little fingers..your little toes..your perfect lips and nose. I want to remember it all. I need to remember it all.  I look at pictures because they are all I have.  

It is amazing (and by amazing I mean frustrating) how the things that I want to NEVER forgot somehow find a way to start looking foggy in my mind and the terrible things that I would love to never think about again won't leave my mind. When I close my eyes, I can feel your little body curled up in my arms, the way you nestled right in so comfortably that just melted this momma's heart.  When I look at your pictures of that beaming wide-mouthed smile, I can hear you cooing and laughing, remembering how it just made our whole day to have our baby look up at us with such love.  When I walk into your nursery, I can still smell diapers, blankets and clothes washed in baby detergent (yes, it has a different smell than Tide), and I pray these smells never go away.  It's funny how smells have a way of bringing memories rushing back.  I've had one friend come into my house and simply say, "It smells like Avery in here..." I know what ya mean...I am beginning to realize that all of the beautiful pictures that I have are all the pictures that I'll ever have of you, making them more and more precious every single day.  I look at these pictures so often, trying to burn into my memory (if that's possible) every detail of your sweet face, the unique little ways you held your hands, the curves of your feet.  I don't want to forget any of it.  I can't forget any of it.  It seems like a lifetime ago that life was so simple.  We had our routine (and oh it was glorious). Morning nursing around the time daddy was going to work, then snuggles in momma's bed (you always seemed to get your best sleep during that early morning 'nap'), then a good 'ol diaper change.  Insert many smiles and wiggles.  You loved when we would pass by a mirror and I'd sing "Who's that girl? Oh that girl...."  It was no nursery rhyme but it got you smiling.  The days went on as simple as this and I soaked in every minute.  I still think about what the pastor said at your service, that you were loved every minute of your life.  What a blessing.  How can we want anything more for our child?  Thank you for loving us.  You are my greatest accomplishment and deepest love.  And now you're being held by our Lord and Savior until momma can hold you again.  What a perfect life.